What Now?
by APIII
Summary: "I'm exhausted from trying to be stronger than I am." The following is a Yang-centric depression oneshot. AU where the fall of Beacon never occured, and is the unofficial sequel to "A Knight's Servant" or "A First Date." Included at the end is an update on Lunar Rose. Cover Art by Rose Diamond from the RWBY Amino.


The following occurs in an AU where the Fall Of Beacon never occurs, and is the unofficial sequel to a "Knight's Servant" or "The First Date." The main inspiration for the fic I have to give to user LoganHunter2, here on .

" **I'm exhausted from trying to be stronger than I am."**

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Yang grinned, bellowing out in laughter with everyone else.

At what, she wasn't completely certain, honestly.

From the way Nora's eyes are shining with mirth, jaw hanging open in shock, it seems like Ren of all people had cracked a joke, and a good one at that.

Good enough to have Ruby laughing hard enough to nearly fall off of her seat on Jaune's lap, his arms being the only thing stopping her from the embarrassing fall.

Something she had always imagined was her burden to carry, to verbally complain of and internally love.

The faux grin wavers a bit, but the blonde only allows the fear from within a moment to wiggle its way into her heart before she shoves it down into the pit of her gut.

She'd gotten rather good at that, lately.

Despite that, it takes her more effort than she could bear to give at the moment before she's smiling at a hundred percent again.

Yang pretends to look over the serene scene, making an air that tried to purvey, _'I'm memorizing this to look back on years from now.'_ Just in case the perceptively enhanced, Ren or Blake, are watching.

The buxom girl, now fully considered to be a budding young woman by most, had a disturbingly good amount of skill when it came to deceiving people about her true feelings, something she had never been nor wanted to do before.

On the worst of nights, she would contemplate about her _mother_ , and perhaps reason that she was much like her, at least in that regard, and that was the reason why her father had been so surprised by her "abrupt" disappearance from their lives.

Funnily enough, Yang also found that she could relate to her father as well.

She too feared someone close to her would disappear from her life.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Jaune asked for the third time, Ruby besides him, clinging onto his arm.

"No, of course not. Yang Xiao Long is no one's third wheel. Just have her back by midnight, or I'll blah, blah, blah. Now, go!" Yang dismissed his question with a wave of her hand and a nonchalant shrug.

She was certain that her fellow blond wasn't too keen of the idea of his girlfriend's older, and rather protective, half-sister tagging along on a date to a restaurant that, while not so high class as for Weiss to find any sort of familiarity with, was still a bit pricey when a third, unexpected guest was suddenly thrown into the mix.

Yes, Ruby, bless her little heart, was no doubt the reason behind the insistant line of questioning.

It seemed that the impending date of their graduation had acted as some sort of catalyst in everyone's libido, for everyone bar Yang and the occasional outlier in their year were pairing up as couples.

Promises ranging from entire teams to duos of staying together and only taking missions that required a minimum of two Huntsmen were constantly being discussed, either whispered as sweet nothings as a brave couple dared to kiss in public at the risk of Goodwitch's ire, declarations of undying friendships in public, or mere pillow talk between those whose bonds with partners became stronger in more intimate ways.

Yang, meanwhile, continued to remain immune to such an effect, apparently. While she had always enjoyed a fun night out, her team had yet to fail to point out on a regular basis that she had never so much as gone on a date since enrolling in Beacon.

There had simply never been anyone who caught her eye, as well as her interest, anyways.

It hadn't been too bad, the first two years at Beacon, since she always had Blake around. Her partner proved equally uninterested in romance, something Yang would only discover far into their third year was a result of the types of books she read while the two hung out alone back at the dorm.

Eventually though, a certain insistent boy finally won her over, and Yang found herself short a person to spend her time with.

"Alright. We won't be back too late!" Ruby promised, breaking the older sister out of her reverie.

"You better." She joked, giving a large smile as the couple closed the door behind them, leaving her alone with only her thoughts to keep her company.

Yang's smile immediately died, transforming into a small frown that was just shy of neutral, as her lips curved ever slightly downward. Moving for her bed, she laid down, choosing to sit in silence over a plethora of options available to her, something she'd taken privy to, as of late.

She could always go and hang out with team JNPR, and she had, at first. A surprisingly strong bond had been formed with Pyrrha after the heartbreak she endured when Ruby and Jaune had came out as an official couple. Yang couldn't relate, but she certainly sympathized. Nora, no doubt, had provided a shoulder to cry on in her more private moments, but Yang was often the one Pyrrha would single out when she needed to escape Beacon, and therefore Ruby and Jaune, when it all became too much.

The Brawler suspected it was because of the developing relationship between Nora and Ren, something the ginger was incapable of helping with, and while it certainly wasn't something that could be held against her, the same could be said for Pyrrha not wanting to constantly be in the presence of someone happily in a relationship.

And yet, like all things but Yang's own plight, time healed it. Pyrrha eventually grew past the grief, accepting Jaune and Ruby and the happiness they gave one another, truly meaning it when she wished them the best, as opposed to the fake smiles that Yang could tell hurt her to say.

Pinpricks of tears began to form at the corner of her eyes, and for once, Yang allowed herself the vulnerability. She was tired of lying to everyone, pretending she was still as carefree and happy as ever. She was tired of lying to herself.

"What now?" She asked the empty room.

Neither of them had an answer.

Yang had gotten her first glimpse of the fear that now dominated every waking second of her mind about two years ago.

Ruby and Weiss had finally fallen into the relationship the older blonde had always suspected would occur. The red hooded girl, for she was still a girl at the time, was discovering herself, sexuality and romantic feelings, the works. All while the pale haired Schnee was discovering an all new side of herself.

Everyone that Yang gave a damn about were very accepting, of course. Had it been anyone else other than Weiss, the blonde wouldn't have been so willing to let Ruby date. It also helped to have the both of them living together.

Until they suggested moving out. Everyone had, at that point. Only the first year at Beacon offered them free housing, and the charges they were being asked, while not outrageous, allowed them better options off campus.

All of JNPR had talked about doing so, everyone shacking up together in a single apartment, splitting the bill four ways with the money the school was now offering them for easier missions Huntsman would usually take on their own, for a commission, of course.

Ruby and Weiss were especially enthralled with the idea, while Blake had surprisingly taken a firm stance against it, claiming to be happy with what she had an seeing no reason to change it.

Yang had thought that would be the end of those shenanigans.

She was wrong. Weiss only took it as the end of the idea of the entire team living together. And like the meticulous dreamer she was, Weiss drew up calculations, statistics and questionnaires, constantly talked about the price range the two girls could manage, as well as set guidelines for the two to follow.

Ruby happily chirped along with it all, unaware that every word had Yang's gut twisting in of itself repeatedly. The worst part… they couldn't even do so , their classes wouldn't let them. Yang knew there was no chance of it happening, they were just entertaining what if's. And despite all that, she couldn't stop the fear that lanced through her heart every time.

Taking care of her little Reaper had been Yang's entire purpose in life.

And only then was Yang finally faced with reality that her little sister was growing up, and away from her embrace.

It was an irrational fear, and she understood that.

She wasn't even her mother, Yang was taking her role as Ruby's older sister too serious; all things she just knew people would say to her if she dared tell them what was truly bothering her.

It didn't make a difference. The Brawler felt how she felt, and that wasn't going to change.

Rage sometimes overcame her, when she imagined speaking about it with her father.

She imagined him teasing her, joking about her maternal instincts and dismissing her fear as if she were a child asking for him to search her closet for Grimm.

Imagined finally slugging him in his stupid face, wiping away the smugness that he dared to have after everything he put them through.

She'd yell at him while she did so, finally lashing out verbally, screaming about how it was all his fault, how his failure as a husband led to his failure as a father, breaking down with two grieving children left alone to pick up the pieces.

To assure him that he failed as a man in her eyes as she walked away, even as her heart stung at the hypocrisy of her own words.

She wanted nothing more than to give up like he did, and just shut the world out, a truth about herself that had her nails digging so deep into her palms it cut through both flesh and aura.

Yang would have to buy new pillow cases every time she let the angry thoughts course through her brain, assure everybody she had stubbed her toe or some such thing when they questioned why the room smelled of ash.

She bought more and more pillow cases as time went on, and eventually, they stopped asking.

The fear hadn't been all consuming back then, else Yang feared she'd already be raving mad.

No, back then, it was an ugly feeling that only occasionally reared its ugly head, and Yang had the luxury of assuring herself that it wouldn't come to be for a long time.

Now, however, time wasn't on her side anymore. It had come and go, almost insanely fast. Despite all the great memories made throughout their years at Beacon, it seemed far, far too short for her.

More than ever, Yang wished she had older relatives to look to for solace. She preemptively pushed her father away though, a convoluted manner of saving herself from his ridicule, so her thoughts went to the only other adult figure in her life; one that always maintained her respect, or at least, a modicum of respect.

Uncle Qrow. There when you needed him the most, otherwise absent. He was a good man, even with his heavy drinking. The older Hunstman was never drunk around Ruby, and was more than certainly the reason Ruby was at Beacon; while she had the skill, no one else in all of the Kingdom could've trained her.

She couldn't garner any hatred for him, not like her father. The only feelings he stirred up were those of disappointment.

He failed to respond to the texts she sent him for weeks at a time. She understood his line of work didn't allow for him to be available all the time, but he was offline more so than the average Hunstman. When he was around, he did his best to spend his time happily with the family, but for as long as Yang could remember, her uncle had always seemed like he was just itching to set off again.

The nomadic lifestyle that seemed to run so prominently in their family. And damned if Yang couldn't see it in Ruby.

Things only got worse as time went on.

As everyone's lives seemed to begin reaching the peak of their happiness, and only soaring, with no limit in sight, while Yang continued to battle through her own existential crisiswordlessly.

She was worse off than Blake when she was driving herself into the ground over the White Fang, an issue that had been arguably the largest of triumphs of Team RWBY.

She was better than her black haired beauty of a partner, who had officially become engaged over a month ago, in hiding it though.

Yang pretended to absolutely love energy drinks, chugging them throughout the day to stave off the sleep deprivation.

Golden eyeliner was taken up, claiming that she may as well do so like her fellow friends, no one aware of the dark rings around her eyes it covered.

And, to Yang's utter shame, and an enormous amount of self-loathing, she'd sneak some uppers that Junior was supplying her on her worse days.

What qualified as a good day had quickly morphed in her mind. No longer did she consider what she didn't have to look forward to, but was weighing what gave her any purpose that day.

The immense weight of it all crashed down on her so harshly, and frequently, that neutral days with nothing going wrong or right weren't bearable without something.

At first, she threatened Junior to keep everything she bought pure and uncut. As time went on, however, and her demands for stronger results continued, it became abundantly clear that Club Owner was lacing his own concoctions into the mix.

It didn't matter to her, not at that point, so long as it got the job done.

It was just another burden she would carry, never to tell a soul.

Her addiction only fueled the already self-fulfilling cycle.

"And it's my honor to welcome the top team of their class, RWBY, into their long-awaited, and promising futures as Huntresses of Remnant." Ozpin said into the microphone, breaking Yang out of her thoughts.

She turned her head to the right to see the rest of the team, with Weiss smiling, Blake allowing a small smile to tug at her lips, and Ruby grinning like an idiot as they rose from their seats.

Rising herself, she turned to the left to see her father and Qrow, both smiling at her, scrolls out, no doubt one recording while the other snaps pictures. She smiles for the pictures, an act that's more about forcing her facial muscles to twitch upwards than anything. Of course, Yang doesn't forget to squint her eyes a bit, a trick she learned imitated the shine of brightness in someone's eyes.

The blonde poses for a few more moments before making her way over to her team, who were already making their way down the aisle, moments away from walking up onto the stage, where the dreaded act will finally happen.

Her feet shuffle her forward, instincts taking over as she waves at the cheering masses, at the world. Clapping at her in jubilation, blissfully unaware of the utter mess she felt she was.

Yang had always said she became a Huntress because she was just going with the flow. A protector of the world, on a whim. No grand goals, innocent dreams, no real reason to live.

No one had ever seen it as an issue, not her team, not any of her Professors nor even her family, but Ozpin… the Headmaster, he was in the position for a reason! Maybe he'd be the one to see through all the lies and finally offer her an opportunity to escape the smothering oppression she'd dug herself into.

Her eyes bored into his as she dared to hope someone could finally help her. He'd noticed, he'd say something to let her know he knew, he just had to!

"Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations." Ozpin was shaking the rest of the team's hands as they stepped past, this was it!

"Congratulations." Ozpin whispered to her under his breath, smiling at her when he saw the single tear trailed down her face, no doubt overjoyed, at finally becoming a Huntress, he reasoned.

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Prick: So, yeah, one of my most, if not, most depressing works, this one actually just by me... back to the point though! I know it's been a long couple of months folks, but I'm happy to say that progress hasn't halted! In all truth, I felt that I've failed to deliver with the first half of Lunar Rose, failing to establish a cemented pace and lay the infrastructure for the emotions the characters are currently going through, so I took it upon myself to fix that! With almost 15K entirely words of entirely new content, and possibly around another 10K as I restructure existing content to overall deliver a better narrative I was incapable of almost two years ago when I first started Lunar Rose!

Fate: While it's been a long time, we still think about you all and work on Lunar Rose when our schedules permit it. We're putting in more effort to the quality of the content, both old and new. Since you've likely read Lunar Rose already, you likely see no reason to read it again for the remaster. Well, I'd agree with you, if I didn't think you' miss out on the better narrative, better fights, pacing changes, retcons, tweaks, and all around new content that we're cramming into just the first seven chapters alone. So, please keep a lookout for updates.

Prick: If you'd like to have more RWBY in your life, and let's face it, you're here reading fanfiction, you can actually find the first four chapters of new content on the RWBY Amino in the Amino App! I'm the Ambassador Team Leader, Keter Metatron, and not only is the community an awesome place constantly flooded with new fanart, theories and more, but exclusive access to the newest updates on the remastered version of Lunar Rose months before it comes out on fanfiction, so come on down!


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